A few nights ago my mom, sister, and I were talking. My sister, a 17 year old beauty, was asked out by a guy from our work who also happens to be 24. My mom was telling her to date around but only within her age area, nothing above 18. She jokingly said, "why did you go to your sister for advice, she doesn't date." To which I responded, "No, just a pro at relationships." And she is right. I don't like dating, never did. I have gone on less than 10 true first dates since I started dating at 19. I just never went on a date or dated someone if I didn't see a relationship with them right off the bat. I wasn't going to invest any time in something was "just for fun." Also it takes a lot for me to go out on a date with someone, sure I have been asked out more than 10 times from random guys, but I also say no. I have to have an insane spark. Those sparks lead to relationships.
I can remember my first time meeting the parents of my first boyfriend. I was so nervous! It's a big deal. We had been together for two months and I went up to see him in NJ. He was an only child which was intimidating coming from a large family. That meant all the attention was on him and subsequently me. My mom and dad raised us to know how to carry polite conversation, things we shouldn't talk about (i.e. politics, religion, money, family issues, etc.), and always leave a positive impression on people. I can easily talk to dads about sports (a strongpoint) but I had to make an extra effort with the moms. Most guys tend to be mama's boys so you have to win over the mom and it takes more work than winning over the dad. Thankfully, my first go-around with the "in-laws" went well enough that I knew how to handle the uncharted territory in the future. I knew when to pitch in and help, when to step back, when to bring wine or gifts, etc. I knew not to share too much about myself or talk about myself constantly. They had time to get to know me.My second relationship was different. It was a big family and we started out more friends that morphed into a relationship. Albeit not a good or healthy one. Coming from such a big family, it made sliding into the mix of things a little easier. When the attention is not solely on you, that's a good thing. Again, I bonded very well with his dad and I got along with his mom. I was much closer to his dad. Even when we broke up, he still sent me a text on my graduation day telling me how proud he was. When I met S's parents, they didn't know I was into their son/ talking to him. It was New Years Eve at a house party with a friend. Again, I was so nervous. I remember his mom saying something about not worrying about timelines and finding guys, because things will eventually fall into place. I remember sipping my wine and thinking "if only you knew." His dad and I bond over cooking and football. His mom is very easy to talk to. It's a big family so it's again, nice to slide into the mix of things. I like that.
In all of my relationships,every father has made multiple comments about me marrying their son. And I have always gotten along well with every mother of my boyfriend. I also work really hard at it. So I am giving some good tips on helping you meet the in-laws:
1. Be respectful. Don't act like just because you date a member of the family, that the rules don't apply to you. Be courteous, it is Mr. and Mrs. until you get permission to call them otherwise.
2. Dress appropriately. I always try to be presentable around the parents. This past summer, S's twin brother helped me move. His dad saw me in a tank top and running shorts and didn't recognize me. Actually asked his brother who his new girl was. Awkward? Nope, hilarious. Dress appropriately.
3. Know how to carry the conversation out of an awkward lull. Especially if it is very inclusive.
4. Never come empty handed- I tend to always bring wine. I have brought S's dad books, and a few other things to my ex's parents. It's a courtesy but also a brownie point.
5. Don't be a kiss ass. I definitely curb my language around the parents. But I do not suck up. It's so obvious when a girl or guy is a brown noser and it's so fake and kind of annoying.
6. Always be cordial. Even if you disagree with someone or something.
7. Being quiet is okay. Being too quiet is not.
8. Always offer to help. Whether it is the dishes, setting the table, help cooking, etc. Always make an effort to pitch in.
9. Don't act narrow minded or snobby. No one likes a princess. Can you get your hands dirty but still act like a lady?
10. They are watching how you interact with their son. So don't overload on the PDA but your chemistry is going to be on display, whether you want it or not.
Good luck, you're going to need it!
