Thursday, June 25, 2015

Maybe it's being 25

"Needless to say, I'm in a place I never expected. It's wonderful and challenging at times– as life might be for anyone in their 20s. It's occasionally glamorous and often beautifully mundane. It's put together so well one minute and unraveling the next.

In conversations with a few of my close friends, I know I'm not the only one in this boat. There's a mutual feeling of restlessness mixed with an almost primal desire to nest. I have friends switching careers, quitting jobs, moving across the country. I have friends buying houses, tying the knot, and giving birth to firstborns. I have friends celebrating their youth with carefree spirit into the early mornings and then heading into the office at 8am for a conference call." - The College Prepster 


Every morning, I sit down at my computer to read all my favorite blogs. In alphabetical order. When I finally got to Carly's page, I read her post and thought "YES!!" I haven't been sleeping well the past two weeks. I've had a lot on my mind. I lay down and I just start thinking, making lists, etc. But there are two feelings that I have the most, feeling restless and at ease. Polar opposites. Some days I feel like I am exactly where I should be and others, I feel like I need to be farther in my career or personal life. 

In college, ya know, years ago.. I never had a ten year plan. Each plan was conditional on each step happening and my backup plan in case things didn't work out. If I didn't get into grad school, I had my teaching certificate and license. If I didn't get into my PhD program, I would find a job in research and/or teach at community college. Now that I am my program, I look at my next step which is either a post-doc or a job. Depending on the offer, dictates my next move. 

When it came to relationships, I have had some ups and downs. Did I think I would be married by 25? Yes, when I was naive and younger, I thought I would be married. But realistically that's not how things work. I had my first relationship and first love at the age of 19. A three year relationship that now looking back, was a very healthy, loving relationship. And although that relationship ended because I wasn't ready to take the next step at 21, I treasure that time and lessons I learned from it. I didn't think I would meet the 'right guy' at one of the darkest times in my life. I never thought that starting a relationship bicoastal would be my life. But it did. It's funny now, how I look at people that are 21 and 22 getting married and think "You are SO young! Live a little before settling down." 

It is amazing and challenging the changes in your 20s. It's an enlightening period, and although some days I feel like I have my life together and it's all sunshine and daisies, the next day, life could really suck and it's a lot of curve balls. I hope that with age and the roller coaster that life sometimes is, that we learn to utilize the tools we have to handle situations. And in the meantime, I fill my void of restlessness with constant travel. Almost like a coping mechanism. I don't have children, so it's easy to pick up and go somewhere for a few days. And at the same time, I look forward to the days when I can travel with my kids and show them the world like my mom did. I feel like a complete contradiction. Maybe that's me. Or maybe it's being 25. 

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