Valentine's Day

I have been struggling to put write a post about Valentine’s Day. It’s not that I am anti- Valentine’s Day. I am just more indifferent to it. It might stem from a childhood where my parents didn’t make a production of the day. My dad would get my mom flowers, a card, and a box of chocolate covered strawberries. He would also get my siblings and me a box as well.  They might make a nice dinner but I just have no memories of an elaborate spread or date night. I think they reserved those more for their anniversary, etc.  So from the environment I was raised in, I just don’t put much thought into the 14^th of February. I have been in relationships on and off for the past 6 years. I have received gifts like Tiffany’s, flowers, and dinner dates for Valentine’s Day. I have celebrated as a couple and single with my friends. I think one of my favorite memories was from college. My best friend/roommate and I were single, so we got each other presents and flowers. Our room had six bouquets of roses and flowers from friends and family. It was so much fun to have a friend date. Last year was S and my first Valentine’s Day and ironically our first official date among other things. I took him to a hole in the wall BBQ place by my house in Charleston. We had the best time. It wasn’t fancy; there were no frills or fuss. Just fun. This year, we have Mardi Gras and are spending the rest of the day/ night with friends. Our Valentine’s Day gifts to each other will be going to Barnes and Noble on Sunday and spending an hour picking out books that the other one will buy. Sounds great I know, and it is, for us. It’s a very “S and Rachelle” plan. For me, it’s more about spending time with him. So if you are a big Valentine’s Day lover, then have a wonderful day, enjoy it. Have a glass of champagne for me! But I think what I am going to do is leave a few quotes from a favorite book about love, relationships, and marriage. 

“I love him and therefore I want to protect him -- even from me, if that makes sense. I didn't want to skip any steps of preparation, or leave anything unresolved that might reemerge later to harm us -- to harm him.” 

“It’s the same with relationships, I think. People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of that.’? Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to be pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.” 

“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow - this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” 

“Sometimes life is too hard to be alone, and sometimes life is too good to be alone.”

 “Infatuation is not quite the same thing as love; it's more like love's shady second cousin who's always borrowing money and can't hold down a job.” 

“There is no choice more intensely personal, after all, than whom you choose to marry; that choice tells us, to a large extent, who you are.” 

“My love affair with (him) had a wonderful element of romance to it, which I will always cherish. But it was not an infatuation, and here’s how I can tell: because I did not demand that he become my Great Emancipator or my Source of All Life, nor did I immediately vanish into that man’s chest cavity like a twisted, unrecognizable, parasitical homonculus. During our long period of courtship, I remained intact within my own personality, and I allowed myself to meet (him) for who he was.”

“I had always been taught that the pursuit of happiness was my natural (even national) birthright. It is the emotional trademark of my culture to seek happiness. Not just any kind of happiness, either, but profound happiness, even soaring happiness. And what could possibly bring a person more soaring happiness than romantic love.”  (Silly me, I thought this for years)

“And even beyond the flaws, there are just some simple differences between Felipe and me that we will both have to accept. He will never—I promise you—attend a yoga class with me, no matter how many times I may try to convince him that he would absolutely love it. (He would absolutely not love it.) We will never meditate together on a weekend spiritual retreat. I will never get him to cut back on all the red meat, or to do some sort of faddish fasting cleanse with me, just for the fun of it. I will never get him to smooth out his temperament, which burns at sometimes exhausting extremes. He will never take up hobbies with me, I am certain of this. We will not stroll through the farmer’s market hand in hand or go on a hike together specifically to identify wildflowers. And although he is happy to sit and listen to me talk all day long about why I love Henry James, he will never read the collected works of Henry James by my side—so this most exquisite pleasure of mine must remain a private one.” 

Elizabeth Gilbert is my relationship Guru. 

Happy Valentine's Day