Sharing Holidays

Well, as a couple, S and I survived our first holiday together. When we first started going out, I refused to share holidays- I wanted him to go see his family and I would be at mine. I had been in enough relationships, where I would give up Christmas, New Years, or Thanksgiving with my family to be with my boyfriends and their families. So after 5 years of doing this, I was becoming resentful of having to "give up" my family time to be a good and compromising girlfriend. I didn't want to resent S or his family so I just decided that until we were married, we wouldn't share holidays. He disagreed. After a few months of reflection, I realized I was being selfish and for the first time in all my relationships, our families are located in the same city! Thank God! I could go to both family events and not feel like I was missing out on my family or neglecting his. So this Thanksgiving, we started the morning off with a coffee run to Starbucks in the freezing St. Louis temperatures. We then drove to his grandmother's assisted living home in Illinois. I love older people, I am very comfortable and mesh well in the "nursing home" environment. I was perfectly fine until I got there, and a wave of sadness rushed over me. My Poppy (my great-grandfather) recently passed and it's still a little raw for me. But I pushed all the sadness aside, put a smile on my face and powered through. His grandmother is a spit fire. I had met her before and was pleasantly surprised she remembered me. We went through S and his twin P's baby pictures (adorable), she gave me a tour of her place and introduced me to her friends as "S's friend who better become his wife if he's smart." It was cute. After a few unplanned detours, we made it to my boyfriend's parent's home. We had a wonderful lunch filled with family, toasts, laughs, and turkey. When food coma was settling in, we ventured out for another round of Starbucks and to Thanksgiving #2: his extended family. It ended up being a bonding time for his immediate family and I. I had met most of his extended family at a previous wedding but I met the remainder and was promptly invited to Christmas. It was such a fun time with the little ones running around, many twenty-somethings and newlyweds, and the older generations delving into the wine. We had a nice talk with S's mom about our relationship, I think she was genuinely surprised at how solid our relationship is after hearing a few things that we do to strengthen and solidify our commitment. It's always a complement when someone who does pre-cana tells you that you are beyond your years in communication and compatibility. She gave a joint hug at the end told us that she loved us and started tearing up with a smile. There were a few hilarious points of the night- although I don't know if I am allowed to share so maybe another time. We were supposed to head to my aunt's house for dessert but we ended up meeting my family at my parents. They brought us home a big slice of my mom's apple pie. It was the perfect ending to a busy day. We sat by the fire, ate pie, while my sister tried to jump on us. S always rubs my back or my hair. He knows it's my favorite. So as we lay in bed recapping our day, and your's truly started tearing up talking about my Poppy, he pulled me in close, kissed my forehead, and lazily rubbed my back. I can't ask for a better guy.. He's my world.

So in Thanksgiving form, I give thanks for his never-ending support and love, my wonderful family whom I told S's dad- "My parents are the coolest", my new PhD friends, ending some chapters in my life, starting new ones, and that although my Poppy is no longer with us, he is looking down on me, reminding me to smile and not be sad.

Happy Thanksgiving 

Mother knows Best...

Most days if my sister is calling me to vent, it's because she had a row with my mom or dad, but mostly my mom. "You don't understand, you never went out!" or "You understand what she's like" are her token phrases. She is seventeen. She is a lovely handful and takes being "social" to a new level. Mom and dad decided a long time ago with their third kid, that she wasn't going to get away with things just because she is the youngest. (They are both middle children, just like me) But the funny thing about my sister's phone calls and periodic hang up, is because I don't necessarily take my sister's side and apparently "sound just like mom." Now, if I was Colleen (known as Bean in our family)'s age, then I would totally agree and say mom was being unfair. But seven years older, I see mom's side.

My mom was always close with us growing up, and I know the two years before college, she was ready to drop my brother and years later, me off at the nearest rest stop. We were not horrible or unruly, just teenagers. My mom and I butted heads over everything. If you ask me now, what about, I have no idea. But I know that I did the exact same thing my sister is going through now. My mom is a tough cookie, you could say she's a bitch- but she's not, she just sticks up for herself and her loved ones. She is always the judge, picking who's right over everything else. She cannot stand deceit and lying. She loves to travel, loves history, is honestly the best cook and baker, she competes in BBQ competitions, she never missed one of my sports growing up and she is our fiercest ally and our worst enemy. My mom stopped at nothing to see my brother and I succeed, and now she is working on my sister. She is a force.. She ultimately is the reason that my path, is the way it is. (Blog Post to follow) She opened doors and showed me paths that I would have never known existed. I have fought her, gone kicking and screaming, and acted immature only to emerge enlightened and understanding. My mom is my biggest cheerleader and the first one to call me on the carpet if I am out of line. Some days I am in complete awe of my mother and other days I can enjoy my two hour location buffer. She's something else. She is the first person everyone calls with their problems or any situation and she will give you an answer. Sometimes it's not what you want to hear, but like I said, she's the "judge" of the family. And if you call her with a problem, you better believe she has a solution and she will help you no matter what.

When I moved to SC for college, I was relishing the 6 state buffer between my parents and me. But as the years went on, and my weekly phone calls became biweekly, and sometimes daily. My relationship with my mom changed. I grew up and our relationship became more of a friendship with a fine line of mutual respect. I can call my mom and tell her anything, and I mean anything. My favorite thing to do is sit around the kitchen with my sister and mom, and 'gossip' or chat about the family or friend drama over cooking. It's honestly one of my favorite times, we all switch between our favorite "Dumb and Dumber, Family Stone, Hot Tub Time Machine, etc" movie quotes in our conversations and one liners. I relish those times. I can talk to my mom about my sex life over beers and appetizers, I can vent about work or research, and I actually can talk about my work with her because I have explained it from day 1. She comprehends- when it sounds like a foreign language. I work out with my mom, she motivates me to eat healthy and live a healthy and frugal lifestyle. (Not good on the frugal but working on it!) Last April, she got me a gorgeous dress for a wedding. She knows what looks good on me! She knows when I am in a mood or how I am really feeling, she knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I never gave her the credit she deserved for being such a strong and involved mom.
When I went away to college, I came home for break and there was baking sheets and new Tupperware under my bed. I asked her what it was for and she explained it was for my house one day. She was starting early. I am moving into my first real apartment in 3 days, and my mom literally has me set! She would send me pic mail of silverware and ask which ones I wanted or what color dishware did I want from Dillard's (I was in a meeting during that text, good thing she knew I liked blue). She and my dad have bent over backwards to always be there and support us, through every mistake and every bump in the road. They can relate to every single thing I have been through from dating, bill paying, family drama, working hard, etc. It's honestly awesome that I can have that relationship with my parents. But my mom, she is the meanest mom in the world. And I hope I am just like her.