Random thoughts during a chakra massage

Today I got a massage. This (sadly) happens rarely. I had a gift card to my salon and spa that I regularly get my hair done. Instead of a basic massage, I decided to mix it up with a chakra massage. It was an hour long and I felt like I needed some balance. Here were a few of my thoughts:

1. Nice robes- I wonder wear they get these from?
2. Wait, underwear on, underwear off. Let's leave them on. I'm not there yet.
3. No, I don't want a water. I won't be able to drink it laying on my stomach.
4. Sure! I know the chakras- no I don't.
5. When she asks me to pick a scent from three of the aromas- ummm they all smell the same.
6. Apparently I am chakra number 4: heart.
7. She says to clear my mind- yea that's not happening
8. The music isn't bad. Good choice on the waves in the background too.
9. Small talk or just act awkward.. Awkward it is.
10. Now I know why I don't get massages. I am so awkward.
11. Face in hole- face is being smushed.
12. Replaying the whole Friends episode in my head. The one where Monica makes sex noises when she gets massages.
13. STAY SILENT. DON'T MOVE.
14. And she's touching my butt.
15. Flipped over. Eyes open? Eyes closed. Avoid eye contact?
16. Just apologized to her for having feet. (I hate feet- they are gross)
17. She asks if my foot is spasming- no, I'm just ticklish
18. Hot stones up and down my body.
19. Cool got a third eye stone on my forehead.
20. I have so much oil and lotion on me, I think I could go down a slip n slide on my own.
21. I hope she doesn't think I am a snob that I am getting a massage.
22. I seriously need to get a massage more often
23. Slowly falling asleep
24. What? It's over? Has it really been an hour.
25. Feeling so limber, feeling good, feeling greasy.
26. In a good, balanced mood  (chakra expert now- obviously)- big tip.