Relationship Books

For some reason Barnes and Noble always puts the self-help, relationship section across the aisle from my romance novel section. Always. No matter what state or city, the layout of Barnes and Noble states: put the books about sex, growth, and love across from Rachelle’s fiction romantic heroine books. I have avoided those sections my entire life. Until one day two years ago, I saw a book called “The Secret Lives of Wives” by Iris Krasnow. Iris Krasnow, a “wife of 23 years, and the more than 200 women she interviewed (married anywhere from 15-70 years) challenge the traditional way of thinking about what it takes to achieve “happily ever after” and invite women to define for themselves what constitutes a satisfying relationship”.  I was curious and intrigued; I definitely bought the book by its cover. But I loved it. I looked at relationships and marriage from many different points of view. Marriage used to make me feel panicked and suffocated. This book showed me the women that had jobs and did their own thing but were still happily married. It gave me a little peace of mind. After reading this book, I was a little more open to relationship books. Then I read “Committed” by Elizabeth Gilbert, the sequel to “Eat, Pray, Love”, which I never read- but I watched the movie. This book was one of the most powerful and moving books I have ever read. Definitely top three of my all-time favorite books.  The advice, the insight, everything, literally leaves me enthralled and settled every time I reread it. Quotes such as “My love affair with (him) had a wonderful element of romance to it, which I will always cherish. But it was not an infatuation, and here’s how I can tell: because I did not demand that he become my Great Emancipator or my Source of All Life, nor did I immediately vanish into that man’s chest cavity like a twisted, unrecognizable, parasitical homonculus. During our long period of courtship, I remained intact within my own personality, and I allowed myself to meet (him) for who he was.” And “the cold ugly fact is that marriage does not benefit women as much as it benefits men. From studies, married men perform dazzingly better in life, live longer, accumulate more, excel at careers, report to be happier, less likely to die from a violent death, suffer less from alcoholism, drug abuse, and depression than single man…The reverse is not true. In fact, every fact is reverse, single women fare much better than married women. On average, married women take a 7% pay cut. All of this adds up to what Sociologists called the “Marriage Benefit Imbalance”…It is important to pause here and inspect why so women long for it (marriage) so deeply.” Again, my panicked self, read this book slowly and with a need to soak up every word, again calming my fears. Currently I am reading “The Five Love Languages” by Gary D. Chapman. I took the quiz weeks ago, knowing that my love language is ‘time’.  I show I love and care for others by giving them my time and energy and in turn I feel loved when others give me their time. I don’t need gifts, flowery words, public displays of affection, or touch. I need time. Knowing how you and your significant other show and receive love makes communication barriers disappear.

I don’t religiously read relationship books, it happens about twice a year. But I find I learn so much from others experiences. I hope this helps one of my readers. And if you have any books that you would suggest, let me know. I am always open for suggestions.

And just because I have a small fan-girl love for Elizabeth Gilbert…